Leslie Nielsen Quotes

There were 15 people in the village including five of us. If my father arrested somebody in the winter he'd have to wait until the thaw to turn him in.

I played a lot of leaders autocratic sorts; perhaps it was my Canadian accent.

Any sport that comes from Scotland is good!

I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely just like the responsible adults that we are. Isn't that right Mr. Poopy Pants?

The reason there's a question mark on my front door is just in case I forget my address.

I'm a professional actor. If I was a plumber I wouldn't just do my plumbing in Beverly Hills bathrooms; I'd like to install air conditioning units and a few other things.

Like a blind man at an orgy I was going to have to feel my way through.

Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing but it hurts.

I had always functioned with dignity wanting to appear intelligent macho never vulnerable or insecure. But now I realize that... a part of these comic characters is a fundamental part of me too.

It was a boy's name first.

I like my sex the way I play basketball one on one with as little dribbling as possible.

One thing a person won't do when he's laughing is try to beat you up.

Shirley! Don't call me Shirley!

When you see Charlie Chaplin he stays funny. He doesn't become drama and so what really seems to endure is comedy.

I love comedy and I hope I never stop doing it.

Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished.

Doing nothing is very tough to do because you never know when you're finished. The upside is that from the moment you wake up in the morning you're on the job.

It's been dawning on me slowly that for the past 35 years I have been cast against type and I'm finally getting to do what I really wanted to do.

Those who the gods seek to destroy first learn how to play golf.

I like that kind of 'straight-faced' comedy. I like to be straight-faced and outrageous.

The actual distance a bad golfer is going to hit the ball with any club obviously depends on many factors not the least of which is whether the ball was actually hit at all.

I've finally found my home - as Lt. Frank Drebin.

Sometimes integrity is a punch in the face.

Do your part to silence gossip - don't repeat it.

It doesn't really matter where I go (Heaven or Hell). I'll have plenty of friends in both places.

The reason they call it 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.

The reason they call if 'golf' is that all the other 4 letter words were used up.

There's an old saying that God exists in your search for him. I just want you to understand that I ain't looking.

Are you having problems hearing? If so those around you already know it. Hearing loss is no laughing matter so don't be a punchline.

Yes it's true I've been called the Laurence Olivier of spoofs. I guess that would make Laurence Olivier the Leslie Nielsen of Shakespeare.

I don't think anybody can really sit down and decide that their mission in life is to make people think. I think their mission in life is to leave people alone!

Like a midget at a urinal I was going to have to stay on my toes.

I really have to keep an eye on myself because sometimes I think I might say something important.

The violence or the vaudeville style of comedy is a technique all by itself. You get up there and you are a comedian and you're doing one thing. That is you're going to make the audience laugh.