I do not have a 24-year-old girlfriend. I have another life altogether.
Happiness is when you see your husband's old girlfriend and she's fatter than you.
It's weird I never wish anything bad upon anybody except two or three old girlfriends.
I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.